Cowboys & Aliens review

Starring: Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Olivia Wilde, Sam Rockwell

Its 1873 and mysterious Aliens are kidnapping humans only a small group of cowboys have what it takes to stop the alien menace and save the kidnapped town folks.

Jake Lonergan(Daniel Craig) has woken up in the middle of nowhere without any recollection of who he is or what he is doing with a giant metal bracelet on his wrist.

Upon stumbling across a small town he learns he is a wanted fugitive; when alien flying machines come to lasso the townspeople it’s the mysterious bracelet that turns out to be an alien gun, the only weapon powerful enough to shoot one of the craft down.

Soon a makeshift posse of remaining people including Colonel Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford), Doc (Sam Rockwell), Emma Swanson(Olivia Wilde) as well as others who have had love one snatched, band together to track down the Aliens and rescue any survivors.

The problem with Cowboys & Aliens is that once you get past the title you need a film to back it up. Not a series of ridiculousness that is implausible and infuriating. Dolarhyde upon seeing the bracelet cannon that Lonergan possesses comments about shooting him and taking it, during the climactic battle scene when an alien finally dies at the hands of primitive human weapons do they take the gun off the aliens arm to use it against other aliens, no they leave them on the dead alien and continue to use six shooters and spears. For how stupid the idea of the humans not taking advantage of the superior firepower when the chance arises its equally insulting that the aliens decide to attack the humans like rabid dogs and not use these weapons either. It’s literally as if they have a gentleman’s agreement to engage in interspecies fisticuffs.

Lonergan, The only person with a weapon powerful enough to stop the aliens doesn’t lead the charge into battle; rather he goes into stealth mode infiltrating the alien vessel. After utilizing the power bracelet for one skirmish, Lonergan decides to give it to Emma because it’s not just a gun it’s a programmable bomb. (Of course why wouldn’t it be?)

After the battle when nobody including Lonergan has a gun do they decide to take one at that point? No better to have them just stay on the Alien corpses, why have any interest in this amazing technology

The Aliens themselves are not at all scary they in fact look like Hopper from “a Bugs Life” minus the grasshopper wings. They do however possess frail t-rex arms that come out of there chest cavity exposing their vital organs, These frail arms come out with all the menace of the birthing of a newborn calf, awkward and unthreatening.

Another nonsensical point is a complete lack of explanation how the Alien species was able to land a giant ship in the dessert and burrow deep underground without any human noticing. In a time when flight is not possible seeing a ship the size of a mountain fly through the sky might possibly draw a red flag.

There is no reason given as to why the aliens are gathering humans. If it was a food source why are they turning them into dust? What is the giant liquid sack of light they are hypnotized by? If Olyvia Wilde is a completely different species of Alien how did she get to earth and why after her human body is destroyed does she continue to inhabit that body? Where did the Olivia Wilde Alien learn all the human customs? More importantly why did she braid her hair before invading the other aliens? Why are the Aliens interested in Gold, just because it’s rare doesn’t explain there need or want for it.

Cowboys & Aliens is rife with plot holes and non explanations which is something I can go with if it brought any form of joy or excitement. It’s a mindless cluster of nonsense that fails to deliver more than a title. Favreau proves that the Original Iron Man was a fluke, continuing the downward spiral of overhyped comic drivel that started with Iron Man 2.

Grade-67