Expendables 2 – A turd by any other name is still a turd.

Expendables 2
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Jean Claude Van Damme, Liam Hemsworth, Bruce Willis, Chuck Norris, Jet Li, Terry Crews, Randay Couture
Director: Simon West


Expendables 2 follows the expendables team as they seek revenge when one of there own is murdered on a mission.


Though the script is credited to 6 writers including Stallone my guess is that is pure Hollywood fabrication, the script has to have been written by a partially literate 3rd grader after an 80’s movie marathon. From the onset the Expendables is ridiculous, redonculous and recoculous overflowing with lame jokes and references to the actors glory years. A knee slapping, belly laugh inducing example would be  when Gunner(Dolph Lundgren) deploys a battering ram stenciled on its side are the words knock-knock, oh those old timers are a hoot, we also find out that gunner is an academic genius from Sweden just like Dolph is in real life, Oh how art imitates life. When Cesar (Terry Crews) is told to give Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger) his gun he let’s trench know if he doesn’t give it back he will be terminated, that is the level of wit and humor that the Expendables will throw your way. There are cameos galore including Chuck Norris who drops his own Chuck Norris joke while we find out he is a lone wolf not surprisingly Norris once starred in Lone Wolf McQuade and he is named Booker a character he was named in Good Guys Wear Black. Van Damme stars as the Villian of the film Named ironically enough Villian, who for some reason wears sunglasses even when not needed like in a mineshaft. While the first film had some semblance of fun and was more an ensemble this is primarily a Stallone film with all the others there just to keep the title plural, even Jason Statham takes a huge backseat to Stallone this go around. They dont even think enough of Randy Couture to give him more than three lines in the entire film. What’s truly embarrassing is how Stallone comes off as a sad old man playing dress up while at the same time portraying the most sexually ambiguous action star of his career from the constant matching berets that he and Statham wear to the Peacote with popped collar to the handlebar mustache that looks like it was soaked in soy sauce to cover the gray.


This is the loudest and stupidest film of the year. It’s as if the first was such a success that in the pressure to make a sequel they all threw their resumes at the wall and the resulting film is the shit that stuck.


Grade – 48 or if it makes them feel better and F+

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