Money Never Sleeps is the sequel to the popular 1987 film Wall Street, This one picking up with Gordon Gekko’s release from prison (this is the best scene in the entire film, A visual cell phone gag). We are then quickly introduced to Young Jacob Moore who has been dating Gekko’s daughter Winnie (Carey Mulligan) Jacob is a savvy young up and comer with knowledge on the market far advancing his years. He takes it upon himself to reunite Gordon with his estranged daughter and utilizes Gordon’s knowledge to try to get a Fusion Energy Company funded and make Bretton James (Josh Brolin) pay for pushing his mentor to kill himself.

MNS comes at an opportune time for a film set in the financial sector, paralleling our own economics downturn, The movie is timely with nothing really insightful to say.  This is a sequel that nobody was asking for and a movie that fails to deliver even an ounce of entertainment. LaBeouf is woefully miscast as Jake Moore, he looks like a child trying to play dress up, A boy in a mans suit who looks more at home in a  JC Penney catalog than on wall street.  Winnie Gekko is a mess of a character, who although she has 100 million dollars in the bank and loves her dad, she blames him for being in prison and not being there for her brother Rudy who died while Gordon was locked up. This is a plot device created for the sole purpose to allow Mulligan to cry through each and every scene she is in.  Douglas tries to recapture some of the spark that made Gekko such a pop culture phenomenon, Sadly everything that drew you to the character originally, is absent now that Gordon is a changed man. By the time he becomes a player in the game again its far to late.

Simply put Wall Street isn’t any good, from seeing Oliver Stones mug in two to many scenes to the Charlie Sheen cameo which was completely unnecessary. This is a film that gets it all wrong.  The entire subplot starring Susan Sarandon as Jacobs’s mom could have been cut from the film and it would not have made a difference. The overly long buildup to Louis Zabels death was completely unnecessary. The entire production is a convoluted mess. LaBeouf is awful, not only his he not believable as a prodigious wall street trader but his character is supposed to be some motorcycle rider, sadly every time LaBeouf is on a bike he looks like he is about to cry. Which is all anyone does in this movie. Nobody wants to see some twenty something’s with huge loads of cash crying over there mommy and daddy issues constantly. The whole family is everything angle is crap. To show such an opulent life style and then tack on family is more important than anything else moral clause at the end is a slap in the face to struggling American’s. This is a nonsensical film that fails to entertain or provoke any thought or discussion. Its a movie that is worse than government bailouts or imploding housing bubbles it’s a movie that steals the price of admission directly from the consumer.

Wall Street Money never sleeps was going to get a 62 however with multiple mentions comparing the economy to cancer I have decided to downgrade the score even more call it a bad taste penalty given Michael Douglas recent condition. These references completely take you out of the film when they are said causing a bad movie to be even worse.

Grade-58

The world is ravaged by a deadly virus unleashed by the Umbrella Corporation that turns normal humans into zombies; Alice’s quest to locate any survivors takes her to Los Angeles which is completely overrun by the undead inhabitants.

Resident Evil Afterlife is the 4th film based off the popular Capcom video game series Resident Evil (Biohazard in japan). Mila Jovovich reprises her role as Alice alongside former “Prison Break” star Wentworth Miller as Chris Redfield and the star of the upcoming NBC series “Undercovers” Boris Kodjoe as Luther West. Shawn Roberts (Wesker) stars as the major antagonist for Alice, Roberts performance as Wesker is spot on to the character in the video game, sadly that isn’t a compliment Wesker is awful and wooden in the games, to simply duplicate that on the screen shows a complete lapse in judgment from director Anderson.

Afterlife is a 30 minute movie stretched out to an hour and a half, Void of any semblance of a story instead it relies on the gratuitous usage of slow motion which negates any possible positive experience it could have provided in a limited quantity. Alice shoots in slow motion, Alice Kicks in slow motion; Alice uses a sword in slow motion. Zombies die in slow motion, blood splatters in slow motion and this sad trick is not just reserved for Alice. To completely tear away any possible enjoyment this could have brought Paul W.S Anderson (Not to be confused with the talented Paul T. Anderson of Boogie Nights fame) felt the need to make this slow motion abomination also in 3D. If there is a gimmicky trick that could be utilized involving 3D, Afterlife employs it.

Afterlife is a movie that doesn’t have its own identity, it is so caught up in trying to be what a 12 year old would think is cool that it cant even get that right. As a rule of thumb if a movie is based off a video game it typically isn’t going to be any good. The first Resident Evil would fall into that category with every subsequent sequel being even worse. I think its safe to say the Resident Evil franchise has been milked drier than a 25 year old cow.

Resident Evil the video game is a franchise that has some of the most awesomely bad dialogue known to man, even by video game standards. In addition to the dialog The PSone original includes an opening live action scene that is notoriously dreadful, in comparison Afterlife makes it look Shakespearean. When a Video Game is transported to the world of film, the idea is to take the heart and spirit of the game and try to improve upon it creating a more immersive experience through the art of story telling including dialog, actions, emotions etc. Afterlife forgets all of that, and decides to bombard the audience with unnecessary visuals that fail to entertain.

Grade-53

When a mission goes bad for Mexican Federale Machete (Danny Trejo), he leaves his former life and starts anew as a day laborer in the US. Hired to kill a senator (Robert DeNiro) and double crossed we soon learn that they messed with the wrong Mexican.

Machete was originally conceived as a faux trailer for the Rodriguez/Tarantino 70’s exploitation homage “Grindhouse”. Unfortunately for most Machete was more enjoyable than the actual films. Thankfully Rodriguez decided to give Danny Trejo his own “Mexploitation” Flick and thus Machete was born.

Trejo is excellently cast as the former federale turn day laborer. A man who not only is named Machete but whos weapon of choice is the aforementioned blade of the same name. Trejo’s craggy face is reminiscent of a dried out old piece of beef jerky, his cheek exudes  more character than the rest of Hollywood combined. The grizzled looks of Trejo are perfectly cast as the stoic Mexican set out for revenge.

Rodriguez has assembled an extremely strong cast for this type of film most Notably Robert De Niro as Senator McLaughlin who’s bid for reelection is what sets the events in motion. The Actor with the most buzz for this project is Lindsay Lohan who plays a version of herself as the drugged out April, A lot of the heat she was receiving was due to her supposed nude scenes. While this was used to create interest the reality is that she constantly has hair covering her or she is strategically covered up. (Her ten minutes of screen time didn’t even warrant her receiving her own poster.)

The Villanous “Torrez” played by pudgy C movie star Seagal turns out to be excellent stunt casting as well as Rodriguez regular Cheech Marin as the “Padr” while Jeff Fahey is excellent as the sleazy man behind the Senator “Booth”.  Alba does just enough in her role as “ICE” agent Sartanta to keep things moving forward while Michele Rodriguez plays “Luz” the same character she is in every other movie she has a part in. (she is either the epitome of typecast or is truly one of the worst actors of all time).

Machete is a lot of fun when it isn’t taking itself to seriously; when Machete utilizes a man’s intestines as a rope swing it’s a wonderful ride. Unfortunately for every fun scene, there is one that falls on the exact opposite of the scale. To many times Machete gets long-winded and preachy about the plight of illegal Mexicans and border issues. Although this is integral to the story it almost sways the film from being  a mexploitation to a message film, I can safely say that nobody who is going to see a film called Machete is interested in the message.

Grade-80