Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Channing Tatum, Jonathan Pryce, Byung-hun Lee
Director: Jon M. Chu
When Cobra Ambushes a group of Joes it’s up to the remaining members to put an end to cobra, rescue the president and save the world.
After 2009′s dreadfully awful the Rise Of Cobra it seems the powers that be decided to retool the franchise. Retaliation brings in a multitude of new faces and characters while getting rid of completely useless ones.
Heading up the show is Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson) as close as one can get to an actual human who is based off an action figure, together with Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki) and Flint (D.J. Cotrona) they put the pieces together to figure out the president is an impostor. This doppelgänger is none other than the human chameleon Zartan (once again the Dreadnoks are nowhere to be found) While Zartan is posing as the president, Cobra Commander (Luke Bracey) and Firefly(Ray Stevenson) are putting in place a space defense system known as Zeus which can destroy a city by dropping a tungsten rod on it from space, the equivalent of a modern day water balloon. Meanwhile Snake Eyes(Ray Park) and Jinx (Elodie Yung) hunt down Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) to bring him to justice for killing the “Hard Master” A name more befitting a porn star than a Martial Arts Sensei.
Going into GI JOE you know that you are seeing a film that will have as little to do with plot as possible. The story has the typical depth and realism of the cartoon which shares its namesake. It stays true to its source material which is a toy so temper your expectations.
Director Jon Chu rightfully has much of the film center on fan favorites Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow both being cult favorites for their ninja badassory. It’s a well known fact that Ninjas are awesome, so having them as a key element only increases the overall enjoyment, even if Snake Eyes wolf has yet to make an appearance, where is the love for Timber. We find more about the estranged pairs history with the introduction of the blind master (Actor,Rapper, Director, and Martial Arts film Enthusiast The RZA)
It’s big, it’s loud, it’s frenetic fun. It doesn’t try to be something it’s not which allows it to succeed while its predecessor was the worst film of 2009. Don’t confuse me there are plenty of faults such as the following rhetorical questions.
When Storm Shadow escapes from the water tank where did the shurikens come from?
Why in the first mission in the film does their diversion just give their location away? Why be stealthy in the first place if you’re just going to fire a gun and show everyone where you are?
Why don’t Snake Eyes and Jinx just cut the ropes in their battle with the Red Ninjas? Ok it woudnt be as cool but how did those ropes not get tangled.
Why go through this elaborate ruse of getting Storm Shadow to become a double agent and have him wait until the end to attack, the guy could have just offed Cobra Commander, he walks right next to him.
Do we really need another Bruce Willis I am old Joke didn’t we get enough of that in the expendables?
Who the hell does the branding for Cobra this guy is good he even has the time to make sure the insignia is on the zeus detonator. Wouldn’t it be easier for GI JOE to just pose as that guy and when they are given the detonator just take it?
Do we really need to introduce each character a million times? We get it your Roadblock he is Flint and that’s Lady Jaye the guy in camo is Firefly, you all go by call signs.
They have these bullets that can lock onto targets and go around corners but don’t use them to get anybody good just to go around a corner and get an anonymous baddie in the beginning; really that’s what you use it for.
Paris gets wiped off the planet and not a word is said about it after it happens, they just give the JOE’s medals? I wouldn’t call letting the City of Lights get wiped off the earth a successful mission, especially when they could have stopped everything sooner.
Duke (Channing Tatum) Dies in the first 20 minutes, you put him all over the poster and marketing campaign only to have Flint get more screen time. Tatum has consistently gotten his balls busted for his lack of range and emotional depth and you replace him with Flint. D.J Cotrona has less acting ability than the 3 inch tall plastic action figure his character is based on. He makes Tatum look like Brando.
The holes are plenty but at least Dwayne didn’t do a rock bottom on Firefly and more importantly it was 100% Wayans free.
Grade – 74
